“Seinfeld” was a funny show, but based on his recent television appearances, commercials, and this godawful new film, I have to assume that the show should have been named after Larry David instead. Either Jerry was never that funny, or having kids makes you infinitely more lame.

But aside from “Bee Movie” being unfunny, which a lot of kids flicks are, it was actually kind of offensive…which a lot of kids flicks also are.

It started out innocuously enough, a little racial joke here and there, not much to get excited over. They certainly weren’t funny, but were only mildly offensive - which is pretty much par for the country club course nowadays. They were just there, kind of like a reminder, “oh yeah, I guess that’s what some white people think is funny…” Except nobody was laughing at anything, like not us, not the white folks, not even any of the kids were laughing at the jokes. It’s like, my 3 year-old nephew would have giggled more if we’d gone to see “American Gangster” like I originally wanted.

For example, the Jerry Seinfeld bee character - I don’t even remember the lead character’s name, how often does that happen? - is talking to his parents about what he’ll do instead of work after graduating college. The final and most outrageous option is “get a gold tooth, start calling everyone Dog” as he pounds his chest and makes a peace sign with his fingers. Come on now, really?

Another one that struck me as pretty uninspired was when they were watching the news, and all the reporters had names like “Buzz Bumble” or whatever bee-related name they came up with, and the final reporter to be mentioned was “Jeanette Chung.” Haw haw. It’s not that I don’t understand the joke, I just don’t see how a professional comedy writer could have thought that was laugh-worthy.

Also, Chris Rock’s mosquito character - Mooseblood - was weirdly like a drug addict. Take that for what it’s worth.

But those somewhat questionable, altogether unfunny jokes didn’t ruin the movie - which was really three plots rolled into one. What really had me kind of upset was the moral of the story. All kids movies have life lessons at the end right? They are often overly simplistic, but you know, it’s for kids, so what do you expect? But the moral to this one was unnecessarily convoluted and turned out to be pretty messed up. (SPOILER AHEAD.)

The story is this: bees - led by Jerry Seinfeld - sue the entire human race for taking their honey without permission and in doing so enslaving bees in labor camps and turning profit on stolen goods. After bees win the court case, preventing humans from taking any more of their honey, they end up with so much honey, they don’t know what to do with it - an embarrassment of riches so breathtaking that bee society breaks down, which leads to the cessation of pollination of flowers and plants, which leads to the decline of crops worldwide, which will eventually lead to the death of animals and humans and no pretty colors for kids who play in the park. The Jerry Seinfeld bee is so moved by the plight of humans that he devises a way get the bees back into the business of honey-creation - giving permission once again for humans to take their goods - thus saving the world.

The not so subtle message is that cheap labor is cheap because it’s cheap and don’t think about it beyond that point. The underclass - bees - finally find a way to assert themselves and demand equal treatment and in so doing throw the world off balance. Turns out that humans should never have allowed the bees their rights in the first place. In fact, if anything, the bees should have been happy to be making honey for human consumption and profit because otherwise they serve no purpose in the world. The moral is not so much based on morality I think…

If, for example the United States should want to use the world’s most technologically advanced military to take control of oil from various impoverished states around the world in order to support their own economic world dominance, why then, we should all be at peace with that decision because it makes the world run smoother.

Or if multi-million and -billion dollar corporations are hitting teenagers in Asia and the Pacific Islands with 12 hour works days in return for no schooling, pittance for wages, and an elevated lifetime risk for cancer and respiratory diseases, well, they know what’s good for the world’s population.

Or if the artificially-inflated prices and corporate-created emotional significance of diamonds has resulted in the creation of war zones across Africa and illegal pipelines for money and weapons and the death of countless diamond miners in a field that has no base safety regulations for its practitioners, we should all be glad that Cecil Rhodes had the foresight to kill off the poor for a benefit the world’s rich didn’t know it needed.

Or that Black musicians should be happy enough making music and not worry that they don’t own the rights to their songs, because they wouldn’t know what to do with them anyway.

I could give you a million examples of situations all over the world in which the disenfranchised and underrepresented and oppressed are exploited for the benefit of the blissfully willful ignorant. But you’re smart enough to have followed along up until this point, so I probably don’t need to s-p-e-l-l every single detail out right?

“Bee Movie” sucks. Don’t support it.